2009 Zwinky Predictions I've Already Got Wrong
Last December, I wrote my 10 Zwinky Predictions for 2008 I got
wrong list. Ouch.
Feeling like I needed to redeem myself, I immediately set out to write "7 Zwinky Predictions for 2009". And then promptly hid them under my bed. Well, what better time than May to dust them off and reveal just how dreadfully off-course my 2009 predictions are heading. Take a look...
Bad Prediction #1: The ZSU Lacrosse team will end the season ranked #4 or higher. Turns out, not only does Zwinky State University not have a lacrosse team, it doesn't have a sports program, classrooms, professors, or textbooks. Just dorms. Which is pretty much any college student's dream. Except if you're a lacrosse player.
Bad Prediction #2: The Daily Keepsake will offer former Lehman Brothers' executive office furniture. Sadly, this has not happened. All Keepsake furniture must have some perceived value before it can be offered to Zwinksters. A mushroom chair? Perceived value. An elegant mahogany desk once touched by a Lehman Brothers Sr. Executive? No.
Bad Prediction #3: The shark off the coast of Zwinktopia will declare that it is a vegetarian. As it turned out, rumors surrounding the shark's eating habits were put to rest last month when the shark swam further offshore and attacked a dingy filled with Somali pirates.
Bad Prediction #4: Mall Dash will replace the mall as the place to spend all free time during colder winter months. I don't want to say Mall Dash isn't popular, because it certainly is... but there's just something about a ton of overpriced retail stores jammed up against each other inside a large concrete fortress and adjoined to a food court where nutrition is stopped at the door and promptly served a wedgie that will never be replaced.
Bad Prediction #5: Zbucks will replace the dollar as the official U.S. currency. The economy did get pretty bad after the new year, but not having this prediction come true is good for all of us. (Imagine having to play Mall Dash for six hours just to buy a 100-Calorie Snack Pack of Bugles?)
Bad Prediction #6: The Zwinky Bus Stop will be overrun by vagrants and former 1980s hair metal band members. Okay, so I made this prediction last year, too. And I still haven't given up on it. Eight months to go, baby!
Bad Prediction #7: Zwinksters who Twitter will demand to be called Zwitters. Tweets? Zweets. Yeah, I thought I knew what I was talking about. Turns out, I was just being Ztupid.
Got any predictions of your own? Good, bad, or ugly, send them my way. And, as always, continue to...
Feeling like I needed to redeem myself, I immediately set out to write "7 Zwinky Predictions for 2009". And then promptly hid them under my bed. Well, what better time than May to dust them off and reveal just how dreadfully off-course my 2009 predictions are heading. Take a look...
Bad Prediction #1: The ZSU Lacrosse team will end the season ranked #4 or higher. Turns out, not only does Zwinky State University not have a lacrosse team, it doesn't have a sports program, classrooms, professors, or textbooks. Just dorms. Which is pretty much any college student's dream. Except if you're a lacrosse player.
Bad Prediction #2: The Daily Keepsake will offer former Lehman Brothers' executive office furniture. Sadly, this has not happened. All Keepsake furniture must have some perceived value before it can be offered to Zwinksters. A mushroom chair? Perceived value. An elegant mahogany desk once touched by a Lehman Brothers Sr. Executive? No.
Bad Prediction #3: The shark off the coast of Zwinktopia will declare that it is a vegetarian. As it turned out, rumors surrounding the shark's eating habits were put to rest last month when the shark swam further offshore and attacked a dingy filled with Somali pirates.
Bad Prediction #4: Mall Dash will replace the mall as the place to spend all free time during colder winter months. I don't want to say Mall Dash isn't popular, because it certainly is... but there's just something about a ton of overpriced retail stores jammed up against each other inside a large concrete fortress and adjoined to a food court where nutrition is stopped at the door and promptly served a wedgie that will never be replaced.
Bad Prediction #5: Zbucks will replace the dollar as the official U.S. currency. The economy did get pretty bad after the new year, but not having this prediction come true is good for all of us. (Imagine having to play Mall Dash for six hours just to buy a 100-Calorie Snack Pack of Bugles?)
Bad Prediction #6: The Zwinky Bus Stop will be overrun by vagrants and former 1980s hair metal band members. Okay, so I made this prediction last year, too. And I still haven't given up on it. Eight months to go, baby!
Bad Prediction #7: Zwinksters who Twitter will demand to be called Zwitters. Tweets? Zweets. Yeah, I thought I knew what I was talking about. Turns out, I was just being Ztupid.
Got any predictions of your own? Good, bad, or ugly, send them my way. And, as always, continue to...
Stay snacktastic.
