Hey Zwinksters! Mr. Metropolitan here. Remember me? I know a lot of people have been asking - once again - where I've been...say, for the last half-year or so. The truth is a pretty complicated story, which I'll share with you...at least in brief.

The truth is that I was shipwrecked on a desert island not far from the Zwinktopian coast for seven weeks over the summer. I know, I know...hard to believe. But in my case, true. Don't believe me? Take a look at my photo at left.

At first, I actually thought it was pretty cool. After all, I had all this time to sit back and work on my next column. I even grew a beard. (Well, it ended more like a scruffy goatee, but who really cares, anyway?) But then my laptop battery died. And even worse, I almost died -- fighting off some rather fierce looking sharks when I was washing my face one morning. I survived, but my laptop didn't. And they took a huge chunk out of my pants.

I soon grew tired of wandering around the beach in just a fashionable t-shirt and my skivvies. So I went in search of my missing cell phone, and I found it after some digging in the sand. Remarkably, it worked -- although the authorities could barely hear me, and ended up searching for me on the wrong end of the island. They blamed the cell phone connection, but that seemed crystal clear to me. Besides, I feel better about the fact that I needed to wait FOUR EXTRA DAYS for them to realize their mistake if I just chalk it up to them being utter morons. But I learned my lesson. Next time, I'm only vacationing within the confines of Zwinktopia.

But enough about me. My mailbag is literally overflowing with six months of your questions....so let's get to 'em, shall we?

Chick magnet aster_phoenix writes in to say:

Here's a question for ya: Why are girls so rude to guys who have girlfriends? I get asked out all the time, and when I say no because I'm not single, they cuss me out and - sometimes- stalk me. What happened to the little word "no" that we all learned in pre-kindergarden?

Great question there. I know a thing or two about this subject, since Mr. Metropolitan is nothing if not a chick magnet himself. And I'm glad you asked me and not our newest columnist, Miss Thang. She just wouldn't understand the guy perspective.

I think the answer to your question is that people have a hard time being rejected, and will resort to extreme measures when they feel it, especially in the most public of settings. So my advice is whenever you're asked out in the future, just change the subject rather than directly responding to them. Ask the person whether they're enjoying the weather, or whether they've checked out the cool new boutique in the Zwinchester. And if they're still persistent with the question, just tell 'em you wouldn't dream of ever going out with someone as rude and obnoxious as they are. Sound good?

Then there's ladies' man ztruesdale, who writes:

for your column for the blog can you adress the problem with dating on here? Im always asked by girls to go out with them and i always say no. Then when they ask why I simply say "i dont want a cyber girlfriend." Then. they just go out cussing me out... Can you explain that Zwinky is a chatroom and NOT a matchmaking site for desperate single girls (since they're the ones acting the rudest). Thanks.

Wow...this seems to be a more prevalent problem that I would've guessed. Obviously, Zwinktopia may have changed a bit since I've been stranded on that desert island. Have you been hanging out with aster_phoenix a lot?

While I think you're definitely right that Zwinky is not a matchmaking site, I can't say I agree with you that Zwinky is just a chatroom. Indeed, Zwinky is so much more than that. And I'm also not sure I agree that desperate single girls are the ones acting the rudest. Go anywhere within Zwinktopia...and you'll find plenty of rudeness to go around, and it's not just coming from members of a particular gender. But follow my advice above, and change the subject. And then leave the room, abruptly and without warning. They'll get the message.

Our feathered friend xxxbloodysparrowxxx writes in with this:

hello,it's-me-xxxbloodysparrowxxx-and-theres-a-problem-about-
the-rooms-evrything-we-buy-are-missing-i-bought-a-bonsi-tree-
and-when-i-went-to-place-it-in-my-room-it-was'nt-there-and-
this-is-a-huge-problem-it-'s-happening-to-other-zwinkys-also-
and-if-your-can-do-something-about-it-i-would-be-very-gratefull.

Wow. First of all, I think that's the first Znote I've ever received that's technically one very long word. Secondly, I'd recommend you take a breath...or else you may faint the next time you're at the keyboard.

I'm afraid there's very little that Mr. Metropolitan can do about missing Bonsai trees. As I've mentioned many times in this space, I can't answer any of your technical questions. Click on the "Help" link at the top of your Zwinky window, or submit a feedback form to our technical team if you're having trouble. But that reminds me....I need some new trees and plants in my room now. All of mine died after my summer lost at sea. :(

Finally, there's the Zwinkster with the lovely username islandglow2, who writes:

HEY! IM JUST WONDERING WHAT IS AMERICA LIKE CAUSE IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO LIVE THERE AND HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO DISNEY LAND AND HOW BIG IS IT???? OOPS SORRY IM ASKING TO MUCH QUESTIONS BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! BYE!!!!!

Wow...calm down there! Those caps are the equivalent of yelling at the top of your lungs on the Internet, ya know. I hear you perfectly fine, and can certainly respond to you WITHOUT THE NEED TO RESORT TO SHOUTING. And that fat key on the middle left of your keyboard is called a CAPS LOCK. I'd recommend turning it off, if you can.

What is America like? Well, ask me after the next election...in a couple of weeks or so. And no, I've never been to Disney Land, but I've heard it's pretty big. Probably a lot bigger than the island I was stranded on. But I have no intentions of leaving Zwinktopia now, so I will likely never know. In the meantime, I think I do feel the need for another vacation coming on. I've got a massive headache from all this shouting.

Well, I'm afraid that's all the time I have today. Hope you all have a great Halloween...and check out the scary fun at Shocktoberfest next week when you get a chance! Until next time, take care and be safe out there!